Long awaited return!!!

So I haven't had a lot of time to update this thing like I usually do so i figure what a better use of time than to sit here and let you all know what is going down and the always interesting conversation between Tippy and I. I will start out with the reading of a certain monthly periodical named playboy! We all know that people in high school ridiculed you for saying that you read it for the articles when we all know that you pulled that out and went straight for the centerfold!!! Well just an FYI playboy has some of the best writers out there and those of you who still grab it for the centerfold or to see Pamela Anderson's latest boob job take a glance some time! You actually might be pleasantly surprised to learn something or read a short story by Stephen king! With that being said we also came to the conclusion that there is false hope for the turn on section fo the centerfold model. The whole nice smile, washboard stomach thing is a lil over rated and the fact is that most guys out there arent like that and these women need to come to grips with the fact that round actually is a shape! Get over yourself!

I hunt cougars!!!

Over the past few weeks I have found myself driven to fill a void in my life that has been around for the better part of damn near 3 years now. Don't get me wrong I really enjoy the single life but I think I have matured past the old strip club attending over drinking youngster I used to be. Thats not to say I dont enjoy those things occasionally but the event of people seeing me there anymore is slim or the occasional picking up of a dancers number will no longer be the main objective... Hence forth I believe to be more goal driven and more career oriented. I need to graduate and need to move on with my life. That in some essence leads me into my topic of myself hunting cougars... I have come to the realization that I have been recently attracted to older women! They are more mature and cooler to chill with and arent all about themselves its pretty tight!

Halloween Shit Show

Last weekend was Halloween in Milwaukee and all over the nation to be quite honest but I spent it at work as usual. I would honestly not have it any other way simply due to the fact I can never find a costume that I want to drop 80 + on and only wear it once. Not to mention they dont make tall costumes which would be a huge market for those guys like me who are slightly taller and skinnier than buying the costume in a size bigger and lookin like a fat ass!!! But to be honest Halloween in the second drunkest city in the nation behind Madison is always a shit show. There is never a dull moment when you take into consideration that Halloween is an excuse for women to dress in a more than conservative manner!!! In other words it is an excuse to dress as slutty as you can just to stand out more than the girl behind you at the door!!! Dont get me wrong though I could honestly care less do what you want im not gonna judge. I mean hell I was told I should go as a firefighter which would really not fit into something I would dress up as at least not in the manner that I was told to do it in... Anyway there were many other factors that made this Halloween slightly longer than those of the past, for those of you who went out know that saturday was day light savings time and this meant that when most bars would be thinking last call the clock goes back an hour and in every bar the employees are going "fuck my life". But to be honest the money was well worth it and the time spent in the back corner with a certain few people was fucking awesome!!! I guess i can dance a lil better than I thought i could but i dont meen to brag... But after bar party on the north side was something worth mentioning due to the handfull of yellow lights i had to speed through just to keep up with the person I was tailing... And once there being damn near mauled by one of the best looking pitbull or boxer i have seen in quite sometime!!! Anyway that will just about sum it up for now stay current cus life is too short not to tell people about the crazy shit that happens!!!

The good stuff!!

Last night I was at a great concert at the Rave!!! Not only was it a great show but I went with a lot of people who enjoy the same type of music which is hard to find sometimes seen as this genre is somewhat of a heavier nature!!! For those of you who weren't there I am referring to Mastodon and Dethklok!!! For those nay Sayers this music is not for the faint of heart!!! It is screaming from the throat and seriously heavy guitar shredding and that is just the openers!!! For those who dont enjoy a good guitar solo or having your ears bleed from sheer bass amps pounding in your ear get off your high horse and explore some new shit!!! Which leads me into my overall point of this post! I find it somewhat funny and cool at the same time when your not so typical metal head brings his Abercrombie and fitch wearing girlfriend to a show where we all know she more than likely doesnt belong! Now im not sayin she shouldnt be there im sayin that she more than likely has no idea who these bands are nor is she mentally or physically prepared to be shelved into a mosh and proceed to walk away with bumps bruises or worse... Where as the rest of us walk away with that and say damn that was a good show!!! So with that being said my intent isnt to say they shouldnt be there at all it is to state that wearing abercrombie or hollister and that kind of shit to a metal show makes you stick out like a sore thumb for a good reason! The majority of the crowd is in black for the majority from head to toe and it makes me laugh to see you walk by in sheer terror of all the people that really listen to this type of music! We are out there so get used to it!

Something new and excting!!!

So last week thursday i re-entered the world of music... For those of you who were unaware I did play bass guitar for a while I just haven't had a lot of time to pick it up lately but now I do so I am! WIthout any hesitation I called up my boy B-dizzle, cus if anyone can teach me its him, and asked him to show me some cool shit on the bass in hopes of maybe laying a track down somewhere down the road with him!!! However I may not have the rocker image I once did... You know the torn jeans long hair bandana and all that other shit to somehow take away from the fact that I looked like a huge tool! But I feel as if i may have evolved from the mentality and am ready to grasp the theory behind music as opposed to playin to get ass like some kids... But B-dizzle actually said i have potential if I practice and keep my form straight wrist and all that crap... But anyway that night was ended rather abruptley due the rightness of my mind and some other people's as well. But that night is the new milestone in my musical life. I have practiced quite a bit since then and im looking forward to learning some different picking skills this thursday!!! Oh and one more thing!!! Micah is back in the MIL for about 14 days so good times are about to be had!!!

What it is!!!

So sitting at Cush right now on a Tuesday night when it is windy as fuck out and cold is somewhat of a bore seen as there are only three people in here right now not including myself and the bartender... However, for what it is worth i know the three gentlemen in here right now and they are cool guys so it makes up for it! Anyway this past week as proven rather uneventful beside the usual class and maintaining my weight lifting regiment. Although not much has been goin on there are a few things that have happened that would deem worthy of writing about but I think I would end up calling too many people out for random shit they have done and more than likely will do in the future so I wont really get into that beside the fact that you know who you are and what you did so I will leave it at that!!! Anyway some fun times are about to come up and I think this will be a little better in the weeks to come so keep up and check it every once and a while!!!

Funny Videos!!!

Here is a comilation of videos I watched while I was bored in class enjoy!!!

This past weekend!!!

Over the past weekend I had many eventful things take place that I never thought would happen!!! First things first; I wanna say thanks to all of my friends who did stop in to Cush over the weekend and make the night go by a little bit faster. I ran into people from the good ol' days of house party's and me earning my stripes so to speak by drinking a lil too much and saying and doing things I probably should never have done... For those of you who didnt hang out with me during those few years of my life this is what a typical weekend would look like... Friday night I would attend a bar at the ripe old age of 19 or 20 with my boy Abe who regretfully moved back to Cali to move away from the bullshit that I wish i could get away from (another story all together). We would usually go to a club on Milwaukee street and he would pick up the tab for me being his driver. Now some may ask why that is... I'll tell you why he drove a nice ass denali which was tuned out as hell. 3 16" subs, tv's everywhere, burberry interior and a lot more cool shit too. And might I add that when we rolled up everyone thought the truck was mine which was an added bonus upon entering the club. Saturday night would usually end up being house party night where I would just go buck wild and buy a bottle of 151 and consume 2/3 if not the whole thing by myself... Yeah I should have died a few times but whatever. Those times were spent with a select few people that continuelly remind me everytime I see them that I should party like i used to. I, for the most part, respectfully decline that offer for a few reasons. 1 being that I can't keep up with that lifestyle anymore. Maybe everyonce and a while I can but not every weekend like I once did. 2 Im not quite sure if the majority of you remember what I used to look like back then but here is a little reminder... Notice the chubby face and the abumdance of man boob... I mean hell Gilbert Brown looks skinnier than I did... Anyway to those who want to know I have lost damn near 100lbs and am lifting weights and eating healthy to achieve a healthy lifestyle. So next time you see me dont remind me of what once was instead look in awe and know that you can make the change if you want to!!!

... on my mind!!!

So I am sitting in principles of marketing and I really can't bring myself to pay attention due to a few very pertinent things on my mind... Some of them are quite serious others are important but can be easily dealt with. First would be the issue of a dispute between myself and two friends of mine with our landlord from well over two years ago... They say we owe a substantial amount of money while we say we don't. Not much we can do there I have had an attorney involved for the duration and he is advising me to do a lot of legal mambo jumbo that makes sense but I have been trying to prove this company wrong for quite some time and it doesn't seem that the company or collection agency see where I am coming from more than likely due to a lack of information from the original company. Anyway the other being school which is a given thing that will remain on my mind until I get that little piece of paper that states I have gotten an education for a large lump sum... The last thing is a little more personal being a certain someone in my life (or lack there of for obvious reasons). I can't seem to shake the feelings and the way I think things should be but something tells me I am doing some wishful thinking. But on the other hand I really hope things work themselves out for the sole reason that this certain someone is fucking awesome and we have a lot of common and share a lot of the same goals and other cheesy things too. I digress though, sometimes I see what I want and go after it other times I decide there are more than likely other things that are more important and just wait to see what happens. I think all of these issues require me to do a lil of both to make the best decisions and get the most out of my life as a whole... Anyway sorry for the lack of humor the next post will be quite funny I promise!

Nothin too important..

So as usual I am sitting at work chillin and throwin back a few drinks with Pat and discussing weight lifting techniques and how to get big for the sole reason that I want to try out for the Muskego Hitmen!!! I had the opportunity last summer to try out for a different IFL football team but I could not financially afford to take that much time off of work to play and to buy all the equipment... Now that I have all this new found time to do whatever I want I feel compelled to do something I have wanted to do since high school which is get redemption for the shitty senior season of football at East. Anyway, I am currently sitting around 185lbs which is a big increase from the 165lbs I weighed at the begining of the summer. Now all I need to do is gain another 15lbs to be competetive at my position and then I think I would be able to be a beast and dominate the IFL at tight end!!! Mock my words im gonna be killin folk!!!

My guidance counselor is an Idiot!!!

Over the past few weeks I have been asked when I am going to graduate too many times to count... So please don't ask me more than likely after first semester next year. Anyway I digress, The point I am attempting to make is this; my guidance counselor is not what I would consider the sharpest tool in the shed... I was in there a few too many times this summer only to have my entire schedule fucked beyond all belief. Anyway so in the first meeting of ours I had to declare my major (as a fifth year senior) apparently based upon my courteous nature and proper manors she told me that I should be in Human resources. Yeah and pigs might just fly out my ass... Anybody who really knows me would know that me working with other people let alone all the paperwork and having to listen to all the constant complaining about what their boss is doing and all that other shit would put me 6 feet deep after the first month. I can barely handle the "element" at the bars let alone the one white guy that hangs out with the gang bangers who we all know is the craziest one there simply because he is the one who sticks out! But anyway I guess what I am trying to get at is that i really don't have one... fuck

The Return!!!

Sooo. I am sitting at work (I know as usual right...). And I have absolutely nothing to do here until bar close which on a tuesday night is aroun 1:30 for all of you that decide that going out during the middle of th school week is not good for school work. And just to throw my two cents in I go out in the middle of the week and I could honestly care less what anyone says about it. Nothing better than taking a little study break and having a beer or shot or anything like that and then going back to the books!!! Anyway i digress from the point I am really getting at (more points than just a point). So here we go with my long winded post... Last week was the first week of classes and hopefully only a year and a half left of school after this then off to somewhere new cus to be quite frank I dont want to stay in WI simply because I need a change of pace and need to start fresh somewhere new! Anway though I am getting ready for classes to start on Thursday simply because I have no classes on Wednesday (yet). I drive down to the UWM campus via capital drive which usually at 9am is the worst possible means of getting to campus simply because all of the young delinquents are driving to school and seriously piss me off with their inability to drive in a straight line let alone maybe around the speed limit or within reason... Strike one of a day that I already know will suck ass just simply cus the first day is almost as pointless as wearing a rubber with a girl who is on the pill... (all jokes aside you should though i mean do you really want any mini-Me's running around... didn't think so) But that day went by pretty quickley with me walking through accounting and then proceeding to get my mind right with some of my boys and playing call of duty for what seemed like an hour but was more like 4 and a half hours then off to a 3 hour lecture with a one Dave Chappell... Yeah I know hilarious isnt it!!!!

Sandrine's last night!!!

So a very good friend of mine had a friend from Paris come and stay with her for a week and some odd amount of days... Her name is sandrine and don't ask me how to pronounce it just because she knows i do no justice by trying and the only thing i do is make a fool out of myself but we all expect that i think. So over the span of the time she was here i had some of the wildest and more than likely most sporadic nights of my life thus far... This should shed some light on those things. Ok so here is my somewhat chronological list of events that occurred and my thoughts now looking back at them. First night; My boy b-dizzle and I just got done at the gym working out and so forth and were relaxing in the hot tub (FAG ik) anyway when we see Alina (my friend and sandrine's "guardian") walking out to join us. We introduce ourselves and begin the inevitable slaughter that was myself and b-dizzle trying to get the french pronunciation down. FAILURE!!! Anyway so we finish up in there and we all decide lets go to Starbucks and get some drinks and chill on the baller couches that are so damn expensive and the only reason i can assume this is because it costs damn near 5 bucks to get a cup of coffee but that is another rant all together. But of course we get there and the place is packed, nowhere to sit barely any room to stand so I volunteer my house as a place of refuge to get away from the hubbub of that wasteland. So now sitting in my own backyard with the piss poor excuse of a fire i built going b-dizzle is grilling sandrine on french customs and of course if all girls from Paris are as cute obvious response is maybe... SO he proposes to her in a somewhat joking fashion (idk if he was kidding or not). After that we went our separate ways till Sunday night when we all went to cush and drank our fair share of beer and Sloan's mystery concoctions (they loved them Sloan i swear to god i have no idea what you made but they wont stop talking about it). After that we awaited the last night of Sandrine's American adventure as Alina put it so quaintly. The night started out with me driving from my house in Elm Grove out to Waukesha to pick up B-dizzle and the proceed to Trinity to meet up with some of the group. Upon arrival we met some new people whom I'm glad i met simply because they made the night that much better (Jonathan yeah its kinda weird how we know so many of the same people and yet have never crossed paths before but it was tight!!) At trinity we played trivia while the onslaught of phone calls from the rest of the group came flooding in as to the whereabouts of us. We then went to cush (again ik) to drink and have fun. Once Jonathan and myself were talking we realized two people had been missing for quite some time. We then glanced toward the back of the bar neat the restrooms and saw them having a "heart to heart" and the thought of breaking it up but we were drinking and I wasn't about to go over there and get involved so i ordered another drink... Anyway then we went to Decibel and enjoyed the rest of the night. That is until B-dizzle and myself felt the necessary urge to publicly urinate in a random parking lot... At the point in time b-dizzle finished and i was about to get into the car when some random lexuz SUV comes ripping into the parking lot with a window down. A woman more than likely in her mid 30's starts asking me where im headed and if i wanted to party with her... Now i wasnt that drunk to realize what was going on and the thought of your a fucking hooker and since when can you afford a lexus let alone a car in general crossed my mind. But i said im goin home and then she proceeds to inquire about my half asleep PIC in the passenger seat. She wants to know where he is going i say home and that he has had a little too much to drink and im taking care of him. She proceeds to grill me until i eventually hop in my car and damn near shread my tires on peeling out to get away from this more than likely disease infested woman. I really hope the adventure was fun sandrine and if all the nights here are like this when you visit I would be more than happy to have you visit more often!!!

He's Back

So I have taken a month to really clear my head of a lot of random things that have been going on... So lets see if i can recap it and fill those of you who were not informed in on the saga that I dramatically call my life. About two and a half weeks ago I lost my job due to negligence on my part and am now jobless (if you know someone hiring let me know). After that happened i had the udder pleasure of relaying the information to my dad, whom works for the same bank. Actually he was pretty understanding all things considered. So as of right not I still work the door at Cush every Friday and Saturday night and possibly a night or two during the week but that is up in the air and found out on a daily basis... Enough about my work or lack there of to be blunt cus i know you wanna know more about where the fuck i have been for the last two weeks or so... don't act to enthused. So this summer is quite literally over we (UWM) go back to school officially tomorrow seen as it is now 1am and am doing this as opposed to doing something more productive. But lets keep it real we all know I wouldn't be doing it anyway. But this summer has put a lot of things into perspective for me along the lines of friendship and what I want in life and or more importantly when i can actually start mine i.e graduation... I have come to grips with the fact that i will more than likely not graduate until next year and I am perfectly ok with that. The real nail biter this summer was to see a few things happen that really got me thinking about who I can honestly trust and feel they these people were there for me especially when I lost my job and thought quite literally that my dad would more than likely kill me for tarnishing his name within the bank, To those of you who supported me and gave me advice whether it was good or just to get my mind off of what was going on or in the famous words of a great man "getting my mind right" thank you!!! I greatly appreciate the words of sympathy and the words of what the fuck are you gonna do now. And i will say now like i said then i have no fucking clue. All I do know is that i have a killer group of people in my corner and i promise that i will bounce back harder and stronger than ever!!!

TGIF not so much...

I remember back in the day when the phrase TGIF actually meant something... Now its a day starting with 730 sales meetings and usually drags along for the better part of 9 or 10 hours of tedious bull shit that to be quiet honest a third grader could figure out... Now im not saying my job isn't stressful because there are days just like every other job when you want to rip someones head off for asking you that one question you know that they know the answer to but they ask anyway thinking i dont remember but once told the answer they reply with the snide oh yeah you told me that last time or i remember now... Like comming to work on fridays has become a chore as opposed to a job... It reminds me of that song limp bizkit wrote called break stuff pretty much sums up me being at work...

Devils Lake Day Trip!!!

Back in the day!

So about a week ago now B-dizzle and Klap went up to Devils lake for the day to hike around and make fun of random people who would always slow us down or we would attempt to do the same to them so they too would realize they should move over... Anyway there will be pictures coming soon of that trip and I would recommend that if you have a day or two to get out there do it its amazing!!! Anyway, upon arriving there we had to stop to get an admission sticker and ironically enough the girl working the register asks me if that is a brookfield east HS parking sticker in my windshield i responded yes and just curious why she apparently went there as well kind of a small world... After that we walked around trying to find the beginning of the trail and only after talking to two girls who worked there did we find the trail and start walking... Right before we approached the trail we made a decision that we all felt as if we were going to embark on something similar to Oregon Trail except for the few differences of oh i dont know maybe cholera and scarlett fever and losing oxen to poor water and other shit like that but it was a great trip and would recomend it to all!!!

Some videos some funny others justy plain weird!

EMBED-Rampage dry humps Cagepotato Reporter - Watch more free videos

Life in general!!

So over the past few days I have put a lot of things into perspective in my life when it comes down to the finer points at least. Things that would normally throw me for a loop are pretty much getting to me a little faster than they normally do but thats to be expected this close to graduating and comming off of a somewhat relaxing summer! But last night really put things into perspective. I was talking to a friend of mine about some issues that I will not get into, but lets just say that something got to me that usually wouldn't. But B-Dizzle and i were just talkin about this shit and everything pretty much clicked and made sense for once... So I have come upon a new life motto so to speak and it goes a little something like this; there is plenty of stuff in the world to worry about but to be honest I really don't give a shit!!! Now for the majority of you who know me on a somewhat personal basis know that I have a general tendency of being a caring person but you know what from this point on Ima be me don't matter whats goin on in life im gonna do my own damn thing and just do what i think is best for me and my family and friends now if that meens going out and getting shit faced waisted or just chillin at home doesn't matter im gonna do what makes me happy!!! So to all of you who are reading this try I hope that in my new found revelation you see my intent but if you don't feel free to ask me about it or even better join in on the fun and watch the roller coaster that is going to be my life thus day forward!!!

Meet the Parents!!!

So, last night after getting my swell on to meet my summer goal of putting a few pounds back on cus apparently im too skinny now... But in regards to the above mentioned title to this post i brought the girl i am currently dating over to my house with the assumption that my sister had a basketball game and that my mom would be with her and that my dad was at meetings all night... Boy was i wrong i sure as hell walked in the door and my dad and sister are sitting at the kitchen table and my mom was in the family room... Nothing better than the unexpected surprise of introducing a new girl to your parents totally unknown to them... Not to mention the awkward silence as we walked in the door. Now my parents could really give a rats ass as to who i bring to the house it just the overall situation of introducing someone knew to your family i guess that really makes most nervous... So that being said one might think about a potential of me meeting her parents and going through the typical barage of Q&A that they have... Which could range from anything as small as who the hell are you and go as deep as where do you want to be in 15 years... Now unlike most men my age I do have plans for the future and i hold down at least 2 jobs at any given time so its not like i have much to worry about its just the overall situation that poses a small issue i guess... anyway for future referrence as most of you know I dont distort myself for people to like me... either you do or you dont really makes no difference to me if you are on one side of the fence or the other just dont sit on the damn thing!!!

Can't help but laugh...

OK so once again I am extremely bored at work and looking through the usual websites to entertain myself so I quite literally don't lose my mind from boredom... Anyway I was looking through ebaums world and found this video... watch it I swear its hilarious!!!

So blonde's have a shitty rep as it is for being notoriously stupid which in some cases is more true than in others but this is a prime example for why blonde's are ridiculed for being dumb... I saw this and was almost rolling on the ground and the best part is, is that she doesn't get what happened.... HILARIOUS!!!!

You must be joking!!!

Once again I am stuck at work and bored off my ass doing tedious transactions that quite literally i do everyday i think i would rather watch paint dry!!! (If you think I'm joking I'm fucking serious!!!) But that being said i do manage to entertain my friends with these really stupid but funny blog posts... So here it is the topic of the day men you really shouldn't see as influential!!!! As voted by people on askmen.com... First would be this guy, Chris Angel from mind freak!!! Dude seriously he looks like a wanna be Tommy Lee but at least Tommy knew how to get with the ladies I mean hell I'm sure the majority of people out there have seen the video and don't need me to explain it to you!!!

Next on the list is American Idol Host Ryan Seacrest... Do I really need to explain why this man is not only not influential but quite possibly batting for the home team? I mean shit even Simon called him out on live TV for being queer!!!

These two "men" if you can even call them such are reasons why the word metrosexual came about and to be quite honest they are scary and if i ever saw either one of them i would give them a swift kick in the ass!!! But they might enjoy that so maybe roshambo or something like that!!! Holla!

Shocking I know!

First I want to say to all my friends who read this on a somewhat regular basis this may be a little more on the serious non-comedic side so bare with me if you will... I will try to make some finer more funny points out of this though so it wont be all boring hopefully. As i get increasingly older and wiser as to what to expect out of life there are always a few curve balls that are thrown at you in hopes that you will learn from them and eventually apply the knowledge to which you have learned... One of these things is the uncertain obsession with the bad boy image. Now i will admit i was told the other day that i posess that image of a bad boy for some reason. And to those of you who know me know im not really a bad boy but ill be damned if i dont know how to go out and party like a fucking rockstar every once and a while!!! I will let you decide though to be fair about it. But its weird to think of ones self as a bad boy and why the fuck i would want that persona to follow me. It really made me think of the new MTV show is she really going out with him... Sad I know one of the few things i actually passed by on MTV that actually made me laugh hysterically!!!

Now beside the blatent fact that these guys look like huge tools all matching and shit they are viewed as somewhat desired now this may be due to the six pack or the fact that they look good on the beach but i can promise you one thing!!! Any one of these guys started shit with me i would be the piss out of them and take their hot ass girl friend and screw her brains out in front of him as he watched crying like a little girl!!! That being said i miay be perceived as somewhat of a dick or degenerate but like i tell everyone else like me or hate me i really dont care!!! Cus if you do like me you must know me pretty well!!!

Sad But True...

Im sure you all know that the "King of Pop" Michael Jackson is dead... And to be quite frank if you didnt know that and you are finding this out from me now you seriously must live under a fucking rock or possibly a carboard box... Anyway, in his death came a series of jokes that i find rather amusing now thats not to say that i dont think he had a little talent back in the day but the older he got the worse the music got and the more children were violated by him or possibly that fucking monkey he was always with... reminded me of speed racer for some reason.

Anyway thats just a little clip from the chappelle show in regards to Michael Jackson thought it was funny and stuck it in there... On to the jokes:
the jackson family said they never saw micheal this stiff since he last watched peter pan
Michael Jaqckson ash's are gonna be made into an "etchy sketch" sochildren can still play with his knob
During the autopsy the doctors found out michael jackson was 80% plastic, so he is gonna be recycled into plastic bags for 3 reasons... He remains white and plastic and still dangerous for children to play with
I rang up ticket master to get a refund on my MJ tickets, they just laughed and told me to "Beat it"
Did you hear the new lead into Micheal Jackson's death. :No what? You know the "Make a wish foundation." :Yeah. Well they gave Farah Fawcett a last wish. Either because of her lost state of mind or because she was just that caring her last wish was that all the children would be safe. Fawcets To Make a Wish rep. leaned over and whispered into her ear " i cant promise you that, but i can promise i will do the next best thing." THE NEXT DAY MICHEAL JACKSON WAS DEAD.
Why did Michael Jackson love having so many plastic surgeries and having to be stuck with so many needles? It was the only way he could feel a little prick and not go to jail.


That should do the trick. Now some might think im a little incensitive for posting this but there is some humor behind it. Whether or not you agree with me is your own decision but he's gone, he's guilty and oh yeah just like dave chappelle said he made thriller!!! Thriller!!!

Why I Hate outsourcing our Gates crew!!!

The Long awaited return!!!

So i know that i talked to a lot of people at summerfest over the last 11 days and I know that a lot of you had no fucking clue that I worked there but here are some of the high and low points of what happened during summerfest '09!!! First off I would like to give mad props to the guys of division BMX and the heavy hitters that showed up for some of the shows over the 9 day run they were down there!!!

I just want to say that there was truly never a dull moment with those guys down there!!! Whether it be something as minimal as requesting zip ties (Thomas) so that one of you crazy bastards can climb on top of your trailer and hang Harley Banners to something a little more like oh i don't know someone starting a fight with you guys seen as one guy fighting a BMX team seems like a good idea!!! Nothing really should surprise me while working down there but somethings always do!!! For instance I wanna give it up to Tippy, Mykel and Koji the last show that i missed due to some shithead, which i will get into later, but these three guys in the last train nailed in order of name and trick: 720 to the cleanest front flip of the entire fest to a back flip tailwhilp!!! I swear to god i better See some videos of this somewhere so i can post it up here for all to see!!!

To all of my you who actually watch the news on Fox 6 at ten and apparently a few other times this week yes i was on the news and yes the older gentleman was my partner! This one is for you Clarence I was skeptical at first about working with and older guy but I'll be damned if I didn't have the best partner I have had in the last four years of being there!!! You're amazing sense of humor towards my generation never ceased to amaze me along with your ability to put someone on the ground even if it meant getting a few bumps and bruises along the way!!! I hope to see you again next year or potentially at a festival sometime later on this summer!!! OK now for the recap that goes in tandem with the little yellow book many of you may have seen in my back pocket that literally went everywhere with me while i was down there!!! This might be a huge liability to the MWF corporation for me posting this but to be blunt everyone asks me what happens down there and this is a chance to tell you how great that job really is!!!

Guy passed the fuck out next to the bathrooms!!! This kid was so shitfaced waisted along with his mind being right pissed his pants and threw up all over himself. After all of that he openly admitted he was drunk, underage and very blurry in the head which most of you can guess what that means!!! But the really funny part is that this poor kid whom i feal absolutely no remorse for ended up being booked because he has a big fucking mouth. I would have loved to hear the phone call from detox in the morning to the kids parents. I can imagine something like is Mr. whoever there. Speaking. We have your son in District one detox for being inebriated and a total fucking idiot!! After that just a few escorts to the CP for 10/55's nothing really major... Next thing that sticks out in my mind would be this little Chicano kid who was running his mouth to an grounds crew and a 10/55 but he ended up being a struggler and i was forced to use a compliance hold (arm bar) to walk the young man to mid gate. Let this be a lesson to all of you who think oh summerfest red shirts are ass holes and what not well yes we can be but here is the thing if you 3% of the 100% that are down there who feel like giving us a hard time and being dicks there is nothing better to me or to the other grounds people than taking you off the grounds and smiling as you turn around give me the hello police officer finger and politely say have a good night as if to say HA HA HA Fuck you get out!!! Next event would be a guy that got his nose busted by a girl. Now granted he grabbed her ass apparently but i guess he learned his lesson don't grab a girls ass cus shit you got the shit beat out of you!!! nose broken, 1" cut above your eyebrow and almost getting knocked out ha ha ha!!

Next on my list of memorable moments would be that of a young man in miller who decided to drink a little too much. Just a little background so you get a mental image. Kid was standing in the mid walk way swaying back and forth smoking a cig. Anything that moved by him he bumped into myself included. After watching the young man i approached him and asked for ID he replied with a elongated drag off the cig said yes and attempted to stumble into the oncoming crowd... Well I'm sure that kids arm hurts a little seen as one of the Vice units had to jump in and escort the SOB to CP for DC what an idiot!!! after all of those events it was pretty much a blur of random fights, underage drinkers who think they can handle their liquor and genuine douchbagery from guys who think they are the shit!!! After all I'm just a (fill in the blank with some derogatory term) security guy with a (fill in the blank with a low dollar an hour amount) who wont do shit with my life!!! Right and that's why your looking back at me from outside the gate DUMB ASS!!!

Oh and lets not forget one thing i have no problem taking people if need be ask the 6'3" 260lb guy I hip tossed the other night for swinging at another guard, Sines you would be proud!!!

Obscene Boredom!!!

As reading through the many obscene article on College Humor I came Across this very unique but at the same time dismal diary of a charmander. Now those of you who remember what a charmander is it is a pokemon something that the youth of american got into a few years back until you realized the imense amount of money you could get for someone who fucked up on one of the cards and had square corners or some other minut defect... Any way read this and laugh your ass off cus its funny!!!

Funny things i read!!!

Waking up next to Megan Fox: Waking up next to Megan fox is a goal that 99.999999% of us will never amount to but imagine how fucking incredible it would be!!!

1. her breathe is always minty fresh
2. she chills with optimus prime
3. she has really long tattoos that you can read when your board
4. she can summon Apollo, god of the son, to do her bidding!!

A Letter to parents who join facebook!!!

Dear Parent,Welcome to Facebook! After hearing newscasters talk incessantly about this brand new technology that the rest of us have known about since 2005, you've finally decided to suck it up and join. It will be very useful as you reunite with old friends, discover new entertainment options, and creep the hell out of your children. Seriously, why the hell are you on this?To help, I thought I'd explain a few features that you could easily figure out yourself if you weren't distracted by re-runs of Matlock. Your Information:Here is where you put up optional information about yourself, and then later complain that everyone knows that information. I recommend starting with your phone number, so you can complain when people call you.

The many facets of my game!!!

Last night was the third place tournament game for the elite basketball league... Needless to say our team didnt play too well. More than likely why we lost. Anyway, prior to that game i was playing with a few of my friends for more of a warm up game to get the blood flowin a lil bit. During that game i was put on a friend of mine who shall remain nameless for the sake of me absolutely dominating him in the paint. Anyway after scoring about 45% of my teams points i decided to show the many facets of my game to my friend by shooting the game winning three ball which was absolutely wet!!! And for those of you who are not familiar with the term that means it was nothing but net from about 2 feet outside the arch!!!
The shot is somewhat like this but not as important... However later in the evening we went on to workout for an hour or so pushed myself a little harder than i had thought so i now feel like absolute jello and went to BW3's after the workout. The conversation at B-dubs was interesting to say the least nothing really major happened just colton trying like hell to get this girl at the front desk his number while at the same time some whigger ass kid was too... what a tool!!! (not colton the whigger kid).. Holla!

Last night was crazy i wish we taped it!!!

Last night was great!!!! Needless to say I worked out for a few hours without the usual hotties that are there on a daily basis!!!! Which did suck a little bit just cus between sets its nice to have something to look at than the dude standing to you while you attempt to catch your breath!!! Anyway after lifting we (me B-dizzle Bid-D and B-rad G) went to G-pa's place to watch what we had thought would be an interesting fourth game of the NBA playoffs... Which in all fairness was event full in the fourth when Orlando was actually ahead and made an effort. But on the other hand you have to look at the choke artist (Kobe) and see how many air balls he threw up in about 10 minutes... Now lets be fair, if you have a multi-million dollar contract to play any professional sport you should not be doing shit like that... Maybe its just me but of all people he chokes under pressure. Anyway as the stage was set for some great times for the four of us we realized how many insane dancing figures there were in the room... If that doesn't make sense hopefully this will help you out a little bit. If you have ever seen Billy the large mouth bass (the thing every redneck American has in their house) that's what I'm talking about except a little more elaborate than that.

Big Mouth Billy Bass from Christian on Vimeo. But one of these was a snake which needless to say in my state i was utterly terrified when this thing literally lunged at my hand and for some unknown reason i thought it was going to bite me... Anyway that was that and now i realize never to mess with peoples shit at their house because you never know what might happen... lesson learned!!!

Nuckin Futs!!!

So sitting at home last night and early on into this morning i couldnt help but think about all the stupid things i have done in my not so long life thus far but on the other hand there are a lot of things i want to do before the inevitable happens!!! Now this isn't a bucket list it is a compilation of videos that i have seen or just randomly watched while bored at home of things people are doing that are way more crazy than i would be right now!!!

This would be number one... free running!!! If you havent heard of free running i strongly recomend that you watch more of these videos on youtube or somewhere else. This stuff is crazy if you actually think about how much force these people put through their body its nuts they even did an episode of sports science on the damn thing its hella nutz!!!

Video number two would be of an actual friend of mine Mykel!!! Mad props out to this kid as being one of the elite riders in the world that can consistently nail a front flip!!! You can check out the rest of the Division Bmx team at summerfest in a little less than two weeks!!!

Ok so i'm no Harlem Globe trotter or anything but i do play basketball on a somewhat regular basis and very rarely do i see this kinda thing... But damn is it good to see that skaters can nail this shit but who knows how many attempts it took to make those shots...

I like most people who enjoy a good ol' muscle car laughed when i first saw the smart car anf thought are you serious simply because i can gurantee that i would push that motor out with my foot!!! But after seing what could potentially be done when swapping out the stock engine and putting in a hayabusa motor i was impressed!!! Smoked a ferrari not to mention they blocked out the liscence plate so the dude in the ferrari wouldnt get shit on by everyone!!!

Stupidity at its finest!!!

There is quite possibly nothing better than when people fight at a bar!!! Especially when there is a really stupid ass reason for the fight ti have started in the first place!!! Anyway i digress from my original point... In my own personal experiences in working at bars and a few summer festivals here and there i have witnessed two different mentalities when it comes down to people fighting in a bar or club. The first being that of the G.W.A. mentality which in my mind screams i cant afford a law suit and we are a bunch of pussies to put it nicely. Dont get me wrong i was there for over a year and it was fun but if you get poped in the face you have to basically smile and tell the person have a nice night... BULLSHIT!!! Someone hits me im gonna hit them back. The other being you are a bouncer meaning that if someone starts something you are there to end it!! No questions asked do what it takes!!! But to get to the topic at hand i would like to thank the douche who was sitting at north and oakland in his base model Chrysler 300 with your shitty chrome rims... You sir and or madam are a retard and should consider yourself lucky that the usual unmarked wasnt in his place as usual and issue you a huge fucking ticket!!! Not to mention the smell of burning rubber in the bar which more than likely still is lingering aroung right now hours later... I hate people like you and to be honest the last time i did a burnout was in high school grow up peter pan!!! Fucking tool!!!

As a matter of fact!!!

Yesterday proved to be quite the uneventful day besides a few major events that will be occurring over the next few weeks. Starting from the beginning first round of the Elite Basketball tournament went surprisingly well... I consider the game not just a win but a fucking statement that we should never in a million years have ever lost to that team. Second meaningful event is the interview to a job that i have thought about since i turned 18... Bouncer at a gentleman's club!!! I can hardly wait to be getting paid to be there instead of me running up a huge ass bill!!! Summer should prove to be quite interesting!!!

Whose kid is this!!!!!

So in preparing for summer i am getting ready for some of the spectacles that summerfest has to offer!!! One of them being the lost children area. Now granted parents bring their children down there with good intentions of having fun and leaving with all kids in tact... But lets be honest bringing a child that is under the age of at least 10 to a place where thousands of people are drunk lowd and rowdy as shit are walking around being complete douche bags is not the smartest thing in the world!!! But i will tell you one thing right off the bat putting your child on a leash like a dog is anything but acceptable in my mind... Yeah i will admit this might be a little on the cute side but in all honesty a leash is meant for dogs not children. Not to mention the fact that it makes parents look like they cant keep track of their own kids... Lets be responsible and just leave the kid(s) at home shall we... Because we all know its going to lead to this...

Wouldn't Change it for the world!

I have been through a lot in the 22 years I have been on this earth for whatever reason it may be... Whether or not you think that is true is up to your own view point!!! But this may also come as a surprise to some that i am writing this entry. The other night while at Cush i witnessed a group of guys and a few girls around my age who just graduated that morning and found myself wondering what i would be doing for the rest of my life in the sense that I have not yet graduated yet nor will i for at least another year... But in doing that i also found myself looking back on the past few years in school and thinking about all the crazy shit i have done and with whom i did it with... Starting with my freshman year which was somewhat uneventful up until the inevitable break up which led to many experiments with drugs and alcohol and other not so smart things. But here is the kicker, the people with whom i did these elicit activities i realize now more than ever are still here with me! They are as good a friends now as they were back then and the crazy times still occur on a regular basis! I guess this is more of a thanks to those people and for all the support you gave me in my time of need! You know who you are and there really is no need to mention names at this juncture in time... On a lighter note few interesting things to comment on in listening to my ipod the other day I came across a few songs that i havent really listened to in quite sometime!!! Maybe just because there are well over 2 thousand songs on my ipod and we all know that there is just no possible way to listen to all of them over the course of a day let alone a longer duration of time!!! However in listening to a few of these songs were songs by bands that some of you may not be too familiar with. One being Primus! Most notably for a song called winona's big brown beaver!!! Great song and one seriously fucked up music video!!! Another great band that i have overlooked over the past few months is Nirvana!!! great band and complete bullshit that Cobain thought he should off himself!!! Anyway thats that for the day!!!

Congrats!!!

All goofy shit aside this post is going to be a little more on the sincere side! Yesterday my cousin got married (to be quite honest its about time Brad!!!) anyway i don't think i have ever seen him that happy in a long time and it was really cool! I just want to say congrats to the both of you and I wish you the best!!! Now onto the funny lighter side of the night! Driving down to Naperville during a torrential down poor was anything but enjoyable!!! I always neglect the fact that I myself am a F.I.B. but i try to steer clear of the way that most of them drive!!! I.E. tailgating in a flash flood warning on the Illinois Tollway... Upon arrival at the hotel to change I pick up my suit and changed and drove to the church with the family and i am always amazed at how many people show up to weddings but at the same time i am always shocked at the very select few people i really know on more than a "hey how are you" basis... But the ceremony was short and sweet which was very impressive to be quite honest. Driving back to the hotel for the reception was nothing exciting then came the cocktail hour. Which I deemed lets all get drunk while we wait for pictures and for the rest of the people to show up!!! Which would have been great if i didn't have to drive home that night to be at work the next morning... But I'm sure there will be plenty of other times to go out and have fun on someone else's dime. Once the reception started it was one Witty sex joke after another and talking about honey moon baby's which is somewhat typical for most weddings i would think. one of the more sincere things i recall was that of the brides dad talking about her as a little girl which was sentimental as usual. After that came much more drinking of champagne and wine and the onslaught of jokes about the bride and groom and how they are perfect for each other which i could not agree more with. Now all the remains is Chad whose girlfriend called him out in the middle of the wedding and was curious as to when he would pop the big question and to be quite honest i don't think anyone knows for sure! But I am more than positive that I will have another cousin to welcome into the world in a few short months!!!

I support Single Mothers!!!

The last final is done and summer could not have gotten off to a better start!!! A friend (B-Dizzle as he calls himself now) went out at 4pm yesterday to Silk in Milwaukee which is a great place to go if you want to be hustled by girls younger than yourself but still enjoy 2-4-1 drinks at the longest happy hour in Milwaukee!!! Anyway i digress from my point... I managed to consume a little too much while there in the form of beer and dropped a little too much money but damn was it worth it!!! I always leave that place in a better mood than what i was in already... Maybe its the half naked women walking around flirting with the guy with the biggest bankroll or maybe the fact that i can feel better about my job(s). In the sense that i don't have to walk around in a thong, not that anyone would give ME money for that kinda shit but anyway, to make a buck (literally). its almost interesting though to see the diverse clientele that they have in that place simply because the age groups are so different. You have college kids my age probably around 21-25 then your 30 somethings then there usually is a jump to what i refer to as the ODB's of the bunch which is being nice. These are the guys that are more than likely married have a kid and just don't get the attention from the wife anymore and they feel that dropping a couple hundred on these women will make up for that! That idea in itself makes me just think about what a great nation we live in! Where else in the world can you partake in such activities and not feel morally bankrupt? Now i bet there are other places out there to do this but not that i have been to yet so fuck off! But I can honestly say that i leave there smelling like strippers, cigarette smoke, and whatever deodorant i had put on before i left. Nothing better getting home half drunk and smelling whatever lotion or body spray they all wear. And one more thing as i have progressed in my knowledge of not only the world but myself it was confirmed by a dime piece stripper that yes i am shy and that she said she could change that... so whatever the fuck that means!!! (hopefully i can be like my boy Micah and date one lol!!! GEA!!!)

Cardinal Rules...

Everyone has their own personal way of looking at things on a day to day basis... With that being said there are always rules or guidelines that some people like to follow in order to maintain that sense of well being so to speak... Anyway there are pretty much three cardinal rules to follow in the world to assure that you don't end up BROKE and HUNGRY and other things.

Rule #1 Don't fuck with people who handle your money!!! Trust me it isn't a smart thing to do people in the banking industry have access to a lot of personal information and to move a few decimals around wouldn't be terribly difficult to do!

Rule #2: Don't fuck with people who handle your food! I'm almost certain that the majority of the younger generation out there have seen the moving waiting... and remember the part when Dane cook drops the steak on the ground and puts it back on the plate. Yeah you have no idea what the hell the cooks are doing in the back so why run the risk of pissing of the waiter or waitress and them telling the cook to seriously fuck your shit up? Who knows what they put in there looks like salt but could be tiny crack rocks you don't know so watch what you say next time your steak is rare and not medium rare...

Rule #3: This one is more optional than anything unless you come to Cush!!! Don't mess with the bouncers especially the one on the door!!! He is usually on the door for a reason and doesn't really care what you think about him cus to be honest i could seriously give a shit about letting every gang banger wanna be in!!! Feel free to call me what you want doesn't phase me much in fact i find it somewhat ironic simply because I'm in control of whether you come in or not so running that puppy dog mouth isn't going to help you at all so shut the fuck up listen to what he has to say and do it or serious consequences might ensue!!!

Get a job Fucker

While Cinco de Mayo is an excuse for the younger crowd to go out and get shit faced wasted for me it was one of getting homework done and then proceeding to my place of employment Cush on North Ave. Upon walking in the door besides noticing that the usual no one was in there i see a new face! Just happened to be quite possibly one of the most interesting people i have met in my lifetime!! His name is Toger he is from Norway and a boyfriend to a girl i work with but that isn't the point I'm getting at. he turned me to a concept called couch surfing along with a debate on the economy, finances, and a government that would on paper work best for the U.S. but I wont dive into that without making someone pissed...

Anyway couch surfing is a concept that was very new to me at the time and i obviously didn't understand it at first but now i look at it as a great concept that i would really like to try sometime in the near future. Couch surfing, for those of you who don't already know what it is, is essentially a means of traveling the world without spending your hard earned money on hotels, motels or whatever housing you need. People join websites to get involved and when people come over to the U.S. they have a free place to stay not to say these are homeless people because they are not they are simply getting the most out of their trip and getting to see the whole world without going broke! In doing that the host not only gets to feel the gratification but gets to experience a new culture with each person who stays with them. Also when the people who are visiting go back home they feel so compelled to give back to the cause that they become hosts in their own home! Seriously this is a great idea and I hope a lot of people try!

On a lighter note i was watching some stand up comedian on comedy central yesterday to calm my nerves before my first final and it was pretty funny in consideration that it was a Hispanic gentleman with the viewpoint of a conservative. He was talking about how the dollar bill says in god we trust on it while food stamps should say get a job fucker!!! Of course with the mind set of a college student currently holding down two jobs, my sense of a hard earned dollar is quite high. Something else that struck me as funny was that of the typical illegal immigrant taking U.S. jobs!!! He made quite the compelling argument on the basis that if someone illegally sneaks into your country cant read or speak your language has little or no education and many other low qualifying characteristics you're and idiot and deserve to lose your job!!! Again i laughed hysterically!!! Not just because he put it in a way that was incredibly funny but because its true if you lose your job and you have all the qualifications its your own damn fault don't point the finger at someone else cus your the retard who lost his job!!! All in all yesterday was productive until this morning came around but that is another post all in itself!!!

Kinda Fucking Disturbing

OK so in looking around on the Internet i cam across a site full of not only seriously ridiculous pictures but some that were truly disturbing in nature... So this post is dedicated to those pics! feel free to comment on them so you can share my angst!

Ok, batman a "super hero" so to speak but a water gun showing him taking it up the ass and you squeezing his shmack to get water out of his mouth that's fucked up!

As much as i disagree with the arien nation and feel no hatred to any particular race this is ridiculous in itself! Its like seeing and African American in a Klan hood! Which has obviously been done by a sketch comedian (Dave Chappelle) Still laughing from that shit!

I'll start out by saying I HATE leprechaun's!!! Anyone who has seen the movie more than likely is a little creeped out by them! Anyway this dude must be blazed out of his mind or some shit to see that little motherfucker just sitting there starring at him!!!

I honestly don't think much can be said about this one! Nor do i really want to go there and possibly be questioned about my thoughts!!!

Last one is the curiously pedofile looking bunny!!! Just can't find the words to describe this one! I apologize

All of these pose some sort of disgruntled feelings inside and really make me think how fucked up shit can really be!